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  • Writer's pictureRebootin' Rubin

"Online Privacy" is an Oxymoron Too

Updated: Feb 10, 2020

I’m a bit surprised about the outrage. Both that it’s too little too late, and that it even exists at all.

“Can you believe it,” I hear all around town. “Facebook is recording our conversations even when we’re not using the app!”

Where have you been?

I know where Eddie Snowden has been. Russia. Why? Because he’s been sounding the alarm about public and private institutions (is there a difference?) secretly recording everything we say and do for the last five years. If he kept hanging out in his native country for another hour after he first rang that bell, he’d be dead. Edward’s Russian residence is the only thing preventing an expeditious Snowden v. The United States trial, in a federal court, and subsequent conviction and execution for the act of treason, a crime that implies Ed’s freedom of speech puts the American people at risk.

So let me be clear. These are not conspiracy theories. This is not left wing or right wing rhetoric. These are facts:

  • With the help of companies like Google and Facebook, the United States government monitors and records absolutely everything you do online, every conversation you have within earshot of any internet enabled device, and every time you pass by an ip camera.

  • All of that data is stored in places like the new-ish N.S.A. (National Security Agency, for those of you just coming online) building in Utah.

  • The data is parsed and tagged to generate robust profiles on everyone in this country.

You think you’re “connected” with someone on Linkedin? If only you were allowed to see the relationship map the N.S.A. drew up for you.

I’m not going to tell you why you should find this information more urgent and troubling for two reasons:

(1) If you don’t find this information urgent and troubling, there’s nothing I can say that will reach you.

(2) If I hear one more person say “I don’t care if everything I do is monitored and recorded, I’m not hiding anything,” my head could actually explode, and Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital is the last place I ever want to be, dead or alive.

With every bit of privacy we are robbed of, it’s almost always under the auspice of “security.”

“It’s for our own good, to help keep us safe.”

I’ll play along.

I say “bring it on, N.S.A.!”

As a strong supporter of children, it pains me to know that kids are abused every day in this country. Therefore, I believe the government, with its infinite wisdom, should pass a law that forces everyone to install cameras in every room, of everyone’s homes, and link them directly to the N.S.A. so children will always be safe.

Additionally, as a survivor of colon cancer, I think everyone should have a camera installed in

you get the point.

Don’t you?


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